Conflict resolution method

In chapter 12, it says that conflict is unavoidable in relationship. There would be no one who wants to have conflict in relationship. When we have conflict, not to mention, we get hostile and stressed having a disagreement with the other person. Based on this fact , it is indisputable that the conflict is detrimental in our relationship. But this chapter it says there are benefits of conflict. Firstly, love and conflict are inseparable. When we tend to consider that not having the conflict with boyfriend or girlfriend is a good phenomenon. But by undergoing the conflict, we can find personal intimacy. Secondly, the conflict can prevent stagnation. Thanks to the conflict we can stimulate interest, curiosity, and creativity. By going through the conflict we can learn lessons which can lead us to change or improve ourselves.

Two kinds of conflict

Conflict can be classified into two. First one is realistic conflict and the other one is unrealistic conflict. The realistic conflict tend to be caused by different goals, means, and values. On the other hand , the unrealistic conflict normally stems from ignorance, error, and prejudice. When it comes to the realistic conflict, it can be resolved but the other one is hard to be resolved.

Difference between personal and group conflict

There are methods of personal conflict prevention and control and group conflict prevention and control . To begin with, by using fewer roadblocks or having assertion skills , increased emotional support , heightened tolerance and acceptance, and issuing control is major ways to manage the conflict. When we have the conversation if we foster warmth in our interpersonal environment , it is effective to prevent the conflict. And If we heighten tolerance and acceptance, it will help diminish unrealistic conflict. Lastly if we have assertion skills, it can conducive to lower possibility of having conflict by preventing errors and lack of information. Because we can clear our intention or what we want by sending an assertion message.

Speaking of the methods of group conflict prevention and control methods, the conflict can be prevented by climate of group, managing the degree of change, emotional plague , and training for conflict management. In group, it might be helpful to make employees work harder if we foster competitive climate. But this too tense atmosphere can incur needless conflict. And when  groups are in a transition stage, the groups tend to undergo conflict. So when the groups try to change their structure or system they should coordinate the degree of change to minimize the conflict. Also by serving the pertinent channel for communication groups should manage the conflict so that it can be beneficial for their groups.

There are three steps of the conflict resolution method. First step is to treat other person with respect. It is hard to treat the other person with respect in the midst of a controversy. But we can respect another person by conveying specific behaviors such as listening to the other, looking at him and selecting proper words. During the controversy, if people use disrespectful words or don’t listen to the other person, there is good chance that the controversy might cause long term damage to the relationship. Therefore no matter how heated arguement we have, we try to use respectful expression to resolve problem peacefully. Second one is to listen until you experience the other side. When we have a heated discussion we tend to summarize what the other person say or sympathize with him. We think that these behaviors will help us resolve the controversy. But  word like “ I know how you feel” is not as effective as we assume. The other person will barely believe the word. So we should be silent so that the other consider what we said. Last one is to state our views, need, and feelings. By stating our point of view briefly, avoiding loaded words, saying what we mean, and disclosing our feelings, we can resolve the conflict, conveying our intention clearly.

Preparation for conflict

When we have an arguement we should prepare for few things to have productive conversation and resolve problem well. Firstly, we should check if we have adequate emotional energy for this conflict. If the other person is having a hard time we shouldn’t have this controversy.  Second one is to check who should be there. If we have the controversy when people observe this, we are inclined to have worse result than having it unobserved. Third one is to consider the best time. We should figure out the best time to have the arguement. Since it will hard not to escalate situation if we have the controversy fatigued, it is important to have it in proper time. Last one is to choose the best place. We should pick a place where there is no telephone, radio, tv so that we don’t get distracted by them while we have discussion.  Through these ways we can resolve disagreement easily and evaluate the conflict from some questions such as “ what have we learned from this fight” , “ how badly was I hurt” , and “ how badly was my partner hurt”.

In conclusion, when we have a conflict it is essential to focus on the emotions first. By treating the other with respect, listening and restating to the other’s satisfaction, and briefly stating our point of view, we can resolve the disagreement and minimize the damage in our relationship.