How to become assertive

There is a six step assertion process for predictable defensive responses such as preparation, sending the message, silence, reflective listening to other’s defensive response, recycling steps 2 through 4 and focusing on a solution.

Preparation

If we prepare for sending an assertion message , there is a good chance that we can succeed in asserting. For this preparation, it is crucial to secure an appointment and select the place and timing properly.  Since these factors affect the process of preparation a lot , we should keep these things in mind when we prepare for sending the assertion message.

Sending the assertion message

Once the preparation is done, next step is choosing a way of sending the message. To send the assertion message effectively, it is vital to harmonize gesture, verbal language, voice, and eye contact.  Depending on how well we harmonize and use these elements when we send the message, it will determine if we can send our message properly or not.

Being silent

After we send our assertion message , it is beneficial to be silent for some time. The silence can make others think about what we said or spoke. This process of thinking is inclined to resolve the problem and give satisfactory solution not escalating situation.

Reflectively listening to the defensive response

After the process of silence , responses are apt to be classified into six responses. Representatively , first response is hostile responses. The finest assertion message is often received as a hostile blow. Most people tend to find or search for the counterblow  when they listen to the assertion. Secondly, there is high chance that the people defend themselves by raising questions. Because raising the question is well known non-confrontative way, the majority of people use this way. And last one is the sidestepping debates. The third most common responses toward the assertion message is debating. By using this way , people can give the impression that they are neutral.

Recycling the process

Even after the process of sending the assertion message and providing the silence, we should be ready for recycling some of the process once again. Even if we managed to send our assertion message successfully, there is a chance that our counterparts are not in the same page as us. Thus we should use the way of persistence to implement the effective assertion.

Focusing on the solution

After sending our message, it is natural that we have conflict. To resolve this situation it is important that we should reconcile one another. And when the other comes up with a solution, we should make sure it meets our needs. It is important that we should be open minded so that we open to a broad range of possible options.

There are many ways of being assertive such as natural assertion, self disclosure, descriptive recognition, and relationship assertions. If we are able to use these ways freely, we will become less conscious of the guideline in our expression and express our feeling without any difficulty in our daily life.

Natural assertions

Natural assertions are non aggressive ways of getting one’s need met without following any of these methods. People who are natural to assert their expression , they tend to be more constructive and yield better results in their relationships. So it is advantageous for us to practice to assert our expression naturally.

Self disclosure

Self disclosure occurs when we are our real self. In this state we are intellectual and honest and refuse to veil our inner self from the other people.  By maintaining this state we express our candid opinion or feelings when we have conversation with others. This kind of emotional honesty is difficult because it is necessary for us to be courageous to be like this. But by being honest to our real self, we can have satisfactory result in conversation.

Descriptive recognition

Descriptive recognition is a way of letting another person know that we value our specific behavior. This recognition has positively affect person and strengthen the relationship. To express the descriptive recognition freely, we should  be prepared to listen to the other person’s defensive comments and understand their position. By following this process we can reflect back the meanings and state the message again.

In conclusion our life might be easier if we know assertion methods in our relationships. If we continue to practice this ways of being assertive, it can bring us satisfactory result and eventually we can have aura of assertiveness. If we have this aura, we are able to become assertive unconsciously in our daily life.