In chapter 8 and 9 , listening and assertion are the yin and yang of communication, which means they are interdependent and complementary each other. This shape can be applicable in our relationship in our real life. It is crucial to maintain this shape in order to maintain the relationship.
Every single person has their own territory including person’s possessions such as clothes and particular pieces of furniture. And from time to time we tend to become aggressor who invades or encroaches personal space. Therefore we should keep our emotional distance with others. But as long as we live in a crowded world of imperfect people, we can’t always stop others from intruding our personal space. But assertion is useful tool to defend our space from other people in this world.
Impacting can be classified into submissive behavior , assertive behavior , and aggressive behavior depending on our degree. If we have a lack of self respect, other people will think that we have submissive behavior. And if we are inclined to overpower others, there is good chance that we will behave aggressively. But if we moderate these two things, we can behave assertively. The assertive person utilizes methods of communication which enable her to maintain self respect not giving up on his happiness or satisfaction.
Each behavior has its own benefits and penalties. When it comes to the benefits and penalties of submissive behavior, since other people will think the submissive people are helpless , they tend to help or care of the submissive people. But if the submissive people sacrifice themselves too often in relationship, they got to have less satisfying and intimate relationship with other people. And the submissive people normally repress their feeling , it is possible that they get stressed or sick.
In terms of the benefits and penalties of aggressive behavior, aggressive people tend to control others in the relationship and make others do what they want because this control is substantially valued for them. But the aggressive behavior can make enemies and makes them more vulnerable and fearful. And the more the people behave aggressively, the more other people will run away from their life.
When it come to the advantages and penalties of assertion, assertive people will feel a lot better than the submissive and aggressive people. And it is indisputable that they can foster fulfilling relationships. But a major contribution of assertion training is that it deals with each of these negative factors. It helps people learn to make more realistic appraisals of the possible consequences of their assertion. In conclusion, if we don’t know what to choose in relationship, the book says the assertive behavior will help us out most of the time.
Main topic of chapter 9 is how to use the assertion effectively in our daily life. When other people invade our territory we should confront with them. To accomplish this successfully, we should send an assertion message effectively. To send this message effectively, we should combine behavior, feelings and effects
To begin with, there is non judgemental descriptions of behavior, we should describe the behavior specifically and limit ourselves to behavioral descriptions. And it is better to make our behavior description an objective statement rather than a judgement. And there is disclosure of feelings. It is prevalent that we are inclined to exaggerate or overstate our feeling in daily life. Since we find it more convincing, we feign stronger emotions. But if we do that, it will end up being counterproductive. So it is important to precise state of feeling that we are experiencing.
In conclusion, if we follow these ways of being assertive in relationship, we can defend our territory effectively from other people and even if someone invades our territory we can confront them successfully in our daily life. Moreover, following these ways, we might be able to change ourselves and learn many things about ourselves.
Changwook Jun 's blog 