In chapter 6 and 7, it stressed that the importance of body language in communication.35 percent of the meaning of communication derives from words, which means rest of the meaning of the communication derives from body language. Furthermore Albert Mehrabian stated that only 7 percent of impact was verbal and the rest of it was nonverbal.
In this chapter, it said that non verbal is the language of feelings. While we have conversation, we can sense the other person’s feeling looking at their nonverbal language. For instance, if the other person get angry, we could see his feeling on his face no matter how hard he tries to hide it. When we communicate with other people we should focus more on the nonverbals than verbals by making a conscious effort to focus our attention on the cues or heightening our awareness of my own feelings about the interaction. Therefore we could consider the nonverbals the means of communicating emotions.
Three sources of information
When it comes to the visual channel there are three sources of information that we can read others’ emotion. Firstly there is facial expression. It is obvious that face can disclose our emotion properly while we have conversation with others. And the face is inclined to remember our usual facial expression and project it on our face over time. For example if someone’s face looks delightful there is the good chance that the person might have joyful life.
Secondly, there is vocal cues. Depending on the emotions, we are apt to speak differently. It is prevalent that emotions such as enthusiasm or anger affect rapidity of speech , volume and pitch. For this reason, effective listeners try to grasp this kind things such as speaker’s pitch, rate , and subtle nuances more than the speaker’s words.
Lastly there is posture, gestures and actions. Our gestures tend to get affected by our emotions such as self image or energy level. For instance, if we finish the conversation we stretch or bob our legs and prepare for leaving. Since these nonverbals don’t stand alone, we should try to understand them in the context like a word in a paragraph. If we listen to just words or only body language, it will be obvious that we get distorted impression. Thus, it is beneficial for us to integrate signs from the words and the body language when we communicate with others.
In conclusion, since so much of interpersonal communication is comprised by the nonverbals in daily life, it is indisputable that the reading of body language is paramount skill for effective listening. Body language is apt to ambiguous and unclear. So we should understand others’ nonverbals by focusing attention on the most helpful clues , reading nonverbals in context , noting discrepancies, and being aware of our own feelings and bodily reactions.
How to reinforce our reflection skills
In chapter 7, improving our reflection skills is mainly mentioned.
DON’T FAKE UNDERSTANDING
When you have conversation it is necessary to be candid. If we get lost or don’t understand what the other person says during the conversation, we should stop him in order to ask him to say one more time.
Don’t tell the speaker you know how he feels
You shouldn’t say ‘ I know how you feel’ to be seemed sympathetic with speaker. If you do this there is good chance that the speaker is not able to share details which can help you understand specific speaker’s feeling. Thus if you want to sympathetic with the speaker, you should do this without saying this kind of words.
Vary your responses.
Since there is no right response in conversation, we should try to vary our responses so that we can remove the barrier of interpersonal communication.
Focus on the feelings
There are many aspects that we need to be aware of when we communicate with others. But it is crucial to focus more on others’ feelings than other aspects
Choose the most accurate feeling word
As this book empathized, emotions are the key element to productive communication. Thus we should find the precise words which can represent our feelings properly so that we can specify the scale of feeling.
Strive for concreteness and relevance
After we listen to what speaker says, we should give concrete solution so that the speaker can resolve their problem clearly. By concreting in his responses and fostering concreteness in a conversation and facilitating more concreteness in a conversation, we can point out the exact gist of the conversation and we can make the speaker lead to the point directly.
After you fulfill these guidelines it is recommendable to do reflective listening. It is beneficial to do reflective listening before you act or you argue or criticize or when the other person is speaking in a code or another persons wants to sort out his feelings and thoughts during a direct mutual conversation. If you refer the reflective listening skills, you can lead the other to problem- solving procedure, referral and appropriate self disclosure.
In conclusion, although Listening is the delightful in order to keep it joyful we should be aware of these guidelines which are mentioned in this chapter. If we follow this guidelines it can make us have pleasant conversation in our daily life.
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